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Image by Brat Co. If we want more depth and intimacy and joy in our relationships, we're going to have to develop more emotional connection with our partners, our friends, our family, our co-workers. It's that simple and that challenging.
Connecting only through our upbeat emotions is not enough—we also need to find, and keep finding, relationship-deepening connection through all our emotions. And there is no way we can do this if we are not ificantly intimate with our emotions. How simple this sounds, and yet how challenging to put into practice—mostly because of the shame we're on the edge of fully feeling as we become aware of our reactivity. And once you've stated that you're being reactive, STOP, no matter how tempted you might be to continue your reactivity. Soften your belly, breathe more deeply, and wait until you're ready to say what you're feeling and nothing more.
Don't settle for shallow or emotionally flat expressions. If you're not sorry, don't say you are—but if you've done something that's hurt another and you feel bad about this, and the words "I'm sorry" get stuck in your throat, say that you're having a hard time saying it.
Such a confession will usually soften you enough to allow your remorse a fitting voice. Be your own whistleblower.
Don't wait for the other to pressure you into owning up to your defensiveness. And don't slip into being defensive about being defensive!
When you lose touch with the otherreestablish it as soon as possible. If you're staying emotionally disconnected to punish the other, confess that as soon as possible, regardless of how uncomfortable that may be.
If you feel like being manipulative, say so, rather than acting it out. Threats are negative promises and are usually mood-dependent. If you really want to leave a relationshipsuch wanting will remain present no matter how good, bad, or indifferent you feel.
When you want to have sex when you are not very connected to the other, turn your attention to your emotional state and do what it takes to bring that into your heart. View your relationship as an ever-evolving adventure, potentially deepened by all that happens, however unpleasant. You may hurt more as you mature, but you'll mind less.
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Saved Articles. Contact Support. Log Out. Your cart is empty. Our online classes and training programs allow you to learn from experts from anywhere in the world. Explore Classes. Robert Augustus Masters, Ph. He received his doctoral degree in Psychology from Saybrook University.
Our editors have independently chosen the products listed on this. If you purchase something mentioned in this article, we may earn a small commission. Last updated on February 16, Here are seven ways to emotionally connect with your partner:.
When you realize you're being reactive, say, "I'm being reactive. Learn to express your remorse from your heart. If you're being defensive and know it, don't hesitate to say so. Don't allow emotional disconnection to last any longer than necessary. Never threaten to leave the relationship in order to get your own way or to make your partner beg you to stay. Instead of using sex to build connection, let sex be a fully embodied expression of already present connection.
Don't forget that the deeper you dive, the less you'll mind upsetting waves. More On This Topic Love. Sarah Regan. Julie Nguyen. With Megan Bruneau, M. Integrative Health. Jamie Schneider. Kathryn Ford, M. Latest Articles Beauty. Andrea Jordan. Alexandra Engler. The AstroTwins. Functional Food. Lindsay Boyers. Next. Folder Name. Address up.How to connect with your partner on a deeper level
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How To Get To Know Your Partner on a Deeper Level