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When I started looking for love, I noticed that one of my friends who always got dates had the opposite personality that I had.
He was very extroverted and loved to surround himself with people all the time. When he flirted, he was aggressive and made the conversation overtly sexual very quickly. After watching my friend succeed time and time again while talking to women, I became afraid that I would have to change my personality to be more like his if I ever wanted to get a girlfriend.
I tried to behave more like my extroverted friend. I also felt like I was acting — not being the real, true me — by going against my personality. What was I doing wrong? What comes to mind when people talk about flirting? You probably think of stuff like winking, sideways glances, small touches, and double entendre. However, these only describe one kind of flirting. Jeffrey Hall identifies five different types of flirting:. Note: You can take an online test to find out which flirting styles you tend towards here. A lot of flirting advice is centered on the physical and playful styles.
These styles work well for people who are looking for short-term romance or who are just trying to have fun. However, this way of flirting can be unnatural for introverts and highly sensitive people HSPs. In general, we care more about having real relationships as opposed to many short-term romances or casual flings.
This is going to vary from one introvert to the next, but many introverts feel most natural and have the most success with just two flirting styles:. But, this is a personal choice. Some people enjoy flirting for its own sake or are looking to date a lot of people. On the other hand, the polite and sincere styles of flirting are more suited for those of us looking for long-term relationships. Try to find something they would enjoy telling you about themselves.
When they tell you something about themselves, listen to what they say, then ask follow-up questions based on what they just told you. Or try relating it to yourself. If they are interested in you, then they would probably like to learn more about you too. Do you have an awesome job?
An adventurous story? Have you read something unusual recently? Tell them about it!
Try to mirror their style while still being true to your own personality. For example, my extroverted girlfriend took the flirting styles test and her were playful, physical, polite, and sincere. My own style is sincere and polite. She is very touchy-feely as well. the introvert revolution. Oneevery Friday. The best introvert articles. Subscribe here. So, what was I doing wrong that my extroverted friend was doing right? As it turns out, women could sense that I was being inauthentic, and they were turned off by it. Could the way my extroverted friend hit on women be considered sleazy?
No doubt about it! His behavior was congruent with his intentions, which appealed to certain women who were also looking for casual sex. Similarly, I found myself succeeding when I behaved authentically. As an introvert and an HSP, I care more about developing deeper, meaningful romantic connections than I do about short-term flings.
Steven Zawila is an introvert, bookworm, and self-proclaimed master of being silly. He runs the blog Quietly Romanticwhich provides authentic dating advice to introverted men about where to meet women, what to say to her, and how to be confident around her.
As an INFJ personality type, Steven believes there can always be more love in the world, and he hopes to make this happen through his blog.Flirting with an introvert
email: [email protected] - phone:(638) 242-9149 x 9227
The Flirting Styles That Work Best for Introverts